This too shall pass…

These past few months have been quite challenging, to say the least.

When I first heard of Covid-19, I didn’t quite know what to expect…

…I was concerned, but did not completely comprehend the extent of its effects.

 

Then, things got worse. It spread and affected hundreds, thousands – even millions worldwide with

heart-breakingly devastating results.

I became more anxious, even scared. I have Multiple Sclerosis and a compromised immune system, and am on ‘the list’ of people ‘most at risk’.

 

Around that time, I was also planning a trip to Kenya to visit family.

Instinctively, I felt that it was not the right thing to do and much to my relatives’ disappointment, I cancelled my trip. I thank the Universe for this insight.

 

I’ve had many thoughts during this period, and these are some of my ‘unanswered questions and unquestioned answers’:

 

v  Difficult times bring out the worst and the best in people. We have heard reports of the outpouring of kindness, restaurants offering free food, hotels offering free accommodations, government assistance, etc...

We have also heard of senseless greed, hoarding, over purchasing and violence.

Important values of Love, Kindness and Compassion, especially during difficult times like these, must not be forgotten.

We are all human and equal, regardless of race, culture, religious beliefs, occupation, social standing or orientation. Our ultimate purpose in life is to love, respect, assist, look out for and protect one another. We are all connected and something that affects one person has a direct effect on another.

Now if we could only make Love, Kindness and Compassion go viral!

 

v  The importance of family and loved ones - Not being able to see loved ones because of restrictions, being confined, and realizing that everything we’ve taken for granted like hugging, kissing, shaking hands, celebrating special occasions, congregational prayer, shopping, going to the movies, parks or beaches…have all come to a sudden end.  Life, as we knew it, has changed.

This imposed isolation has reiterated how much of life we have taken for granted…Our ties of love (be it friends or family), life itself, our luxuries, our needs and our freedoms…Everything has suddenly been ripped out of our grasp and we are reminded, in a hard and bitter way, that we need to cherish every bond, every act, every moment and every person, every day.

v  It is necessary to take inventory of our lives to decide what exactly we need…

Do we really need all the material possessions, designer clothes, electronic gizmos and bigger and better toys to make us feel worthwhile?

 

v  The imaginary geographical borders are of no significance. Covid-19 did not need a passport to cross borders. Why are we creating barriers between us?

 

v  Our lives and health are important and we have neglected them by making bad choices with poor hygiene, poor nutrition, consuming processed, sugar-filled, preserved foods and beverages, manufactured by greedy, profit-seeking corporations (who value the shelf-life of products more than human life) and poor lifestyle choices.

We need to pay more attention to our bodies to be of sound mind, body and spirit, to strengthen our immune systems in order to face such outbreaks.

 

v  The importance of solitude…Solitude for the mind and spirit is like resting and/or sleeping after an extremely tiresome task or day.

Solitude helps us connect with ourselves, and this period of forced isolation and quarantine has compelled us to spend time with ourselves. Why not make the most of it and reconnect with ourselves? This forced isolation can be a time of reflection and understanding, where we learn from mistakes, re-ignite passions, learn new hobbies, explore new options and find ourselves.  

 

v  The real heroes of our world are the people who have dedicated their lives to helping people such as doctors, nurses, care-workers, emergency response workers, truck drivers, people in the service industry, etc... They are indeed the true heroes of this world. Not the movie stars, sports stars or other celebrities whom we glorify and emulate.

 

v  Life is and will always be unpredictable with continuous challenges, and we (as a race, as communities and as individuals) constantly need to re-invent ourselves.

It is not our challenges that define us, but how we continue to live, survive and thrive …despite them.

 

v  History has shown us that our planet has faced a lot of turmoil with war, crime, corruption, ethnic cleansing, racial unrest, more war, vengeful acts of retribution, violence, unrest, disease, famine, natural disasters, more war, climate change, pollution, deforestation, even more war, the devastation of our unity with the resulting strife, discord…and the list can go on…

Mother Earth has suffered the ails of ‘inhumanity’ for a while now. She is calling out for a reform…for some change to occur.

This is an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, and make positive changes by putting an end to the hate and violence, to reunite as a people and regain the misplaced attributes of love, peace and harmony.

After every difficulty there will always be ease. Life is cyclical and this, as difficult as it is, is another difficult phase in the great cycle of existence.

 

v  No matter how great we think we are or how great others think we are, we are all fallible human beings. Behind all the stories, veiled in fogs of mystery, even under those masks of contempt, hatred and indignity, wherever we are, we are simple, enigmatic human beings…                            …men and women who live, shed blood and tears, recite well-rehearsed lines, remain steadfast to (fading) values and convictions, cherish ties of love and, one day, all die.

We can treat many diseases, prevent illness, even extend life, and as powerful we are with our knowledge and advances, we are just as powerless to prevent the inevitable…

If one could only free humanity from its shackles with a few magical strokes on the canvas of possibilities, to remove those illusory boundaries and veils of separation and fear… and recognize harmony from conflict, hope from despair, peace from turmoil and joy from despondency… …Even when the odds are against us, and the facts seem quite tenuous …

We cannot choose how we will die, but we can choose to be better human beings…

 

Inspiration: Within the past 14 years of my life, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, lost my business, moved to Nova Scotia, was involved in a car accident that put me in a wheelchair, lost loved ones and still somehow managed to survive. The unpredictable nature of my illness and life have enabled me to look at calamities objectively.

Human beings have the gift and ability of choice. We can choose to revel in despair, or we can choose strength, love and courage. We do not need a calamity in our lives to make us aware of that. We can learn from all that we go through to make better choices. Our challenges only help us grow.

Selfless, Selfish or Self-Loving? I Have more Good News and Bad News

Who or what decides what a person really is?  

When is one classified as being selfish?
 

What may seem selfish to one person may actually be loving and honoring oneself to another. Sometimes, an epiphany can lead to that, and at other times certain forced circumstances lead to it .

These are the definitions as I see them:
A selfish person is one who thinks of no one else but him/herself.
A selfless person is a person who always puts others before him or herself.
A self-loving person is one who honors his or her needs while continuing to love others and do what he can, when and if he can.

Just because a person makes his choices to get on with his or her life rather than be weighed down by guilt, shame and regret that leads to the carrying of excess baggage caused by hate and/or disappointment by being let down by loved ones, does not mean that he/she is selfish.

 

I completely relate.

Growing up, I was constantly told not to complain, not to put my needs before anybody else’s, not to speak up or stand up for myself, not to argue, not to talk back, and never to demand anything, as these were all traits of a  selfish, self-centered person.  I was also told never to confront anything or anyone, but simply accept things as they came, even if they were wrong.

I have carried some of those wrongfully ingrained traits from my childhood to my adulthood, and I call it being a ‘victim of my conditioning’.

Most people experience this in one form or another.  

Now in my fifties, I finally want to stand up and shout, ‘Enough is enough!’

I am not being selfish by wanting to honor my own needs. I am not being selfish, as my first and foremost responsibility is to myself.

This is definitely not a selfish need.

  

I was diagnosed with Secondary Multiple Sclerosis in 2006. Since then,  I have had to give up a lot of things I enjoyed and cherished, like family visits, going for walks, running, swimming, reading, teaching and other things that I took for granted like being spontaneous and just being able to get up and go somewhere and doing something new on the spur of the moment.

I will admit that I was much more selfless (maybe a little too selfless) before I was diagnosed, but I still tried to do what I could, when I could. 

Now, I  cannot do as much I would like to. That is not being selfish, but simply adapting to my new circumstance.

MS brings with it limitations on the body and the mind, which in turn affect the spirit.

Everything has to be planned... Every minute of every hour of every day, and even that may change depending upon my energy levels, stress levels and/or how my body decides to behave that day.

I cannot travel on a plane or make long car journeys without having to stop to stretch or rest and just because I decide that I need to take care of these needs, does not make me a selfish person.

I cannot just decide to do something without considering its effects on my body.

This means that I am unable to devote attention to family matters, unable to attend to day-to-day household matters or chores, as well as simple things like getting groceries, going to the bank or to the post office, and just because I choose not to do the things that harm me or cause me strain or stress does not mean that I am selfish.

If tending to my health and to the demands my illness makes on me, makes me a selfish person, then I wear that selfish label proudly.

If fighting for my survival is going to make me selfish, (and I choose to fight with all my might), then yes, I am selfish.

 

Those who know me know that I have never put myself first. Had it not been for the MS, things would never have changed.  But, things did change. My whole life changed and my priorities changed.

Am I going to sit here and be a victim of my illness or am I going to take the bull by its horns and move on as best as I can?

Am I going to sit here and refuse to recognize what is causing me harm and therefore keep away from it, or am I going to willingly walk into a fire that I know will burn me?

 

I have always looked at my life from a good news/bad news point of view - hence the title of my last book, ‘I Have Good News and Bad News’. Even though it is half empty, my glass is always half full. Even though there is bad, I will find the good.

This is no different, and I do have good news and bad news - The bad news is that I have Multiple Sclerosis and have become unable to do the things I like to do and really enjoyed doing. I also cannot and will not devote time to situations that cause me stress and things that exacerbate my illness.

The good news is that I finally found myself and the purpose of my life, I learned to work with and around the limitations that MS brought by listening to my body and help it heal it, rather than succumb to its effects.

 

In the process, I may be considered selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed after all, lots of people have illnesses. They do not ignore their duties to focus on healing themselves!! 

I choose otherwise.

Forgive me if I choose to put the people who actually care for my needs, my disability, my occasional inability to dress, bathe, drive or tend to myself on a day to day basis, and those who actually understand and appreciate what I go through, first.

Forgive me if I choose not to attend funerals or family functions or to prance around solving problems when I have more than enough problems of my own simply by getting out of bed (some that I cannot even solve).

Forgive me of I forget birthdays, anniversaries or to update my Facebook page daily.

Forgive me for putting myself, my healing, my learning to cope with my illness and my treatments first.

Forgive me for focusing my energies on my healing and ignoring and keeping away from things, people and situations that cause me to get worse, so that I do not become completely disabled and/or  bedridden.

Forgive me for fighting for my own survival and for giving in to my own inherent God-given survival instinct

Most of all, forgive me for being ill. I did not choose to be so, but I am, and I am trying to cope to the best of my ability and to fight with all my might using the limited resources and the only support I have.

If all of this is considered being selfish, then I am very proud to be selfish.

If all this is considered making the wrong choices, then I am guilty as charged.

If the people in my life do not care to understand what my illness really is, what it really does and how it affects me, and continue to cause me stress (which only makes my condition worse), then they have no place being in my life.

Just as I purge myself of all toxicity to make my life better, I will purge myself of all toxic relationships including the people I love the most and those whom I thought loved me, if they cause me emotional harm.

I’ve spent more than half my life living by other people’s standards and terms. I think it is about time I lived life on my own.

I have even better news:

Getting Multiple Sclerosis helped create this awareness (which I rather like) in me. It finally made me look at my own needs for the very first time.

If this makes me selfish, then so be it.

I’d rather be considered selfish than dead.

But wait.............there's more:

I have Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, and it taught me to prioritize my life to finally give myself the importance I deserve. 

Thank God for my illness!!!